Maquinna's Poop du Jour

Road Trip Destination: South Carolina and Back

Last night we returned from our most ambitious joint road trip to date: flying down to South Carolina to pick up a VW Vanagon purchased online, sight unseen, and drive it 1300-odd miles back home...and odd miles they were indeed.

There will be numerous pictures and anecdotes about this trip over the next while - there's no way I could list everything at once. The trip wasn't without its wrinkles, naturally. The Westy misbehaved off and on during the trip, misfiring and losing power intermittently, only to have it return. It didn't stop us, however, from traipsing from one podunk backwater to the next and finding silliness in a million random things.

Awards go to:

Best Real Estate Agent Name on a Billboard: Jack Lingo (I can just picture what this guy looks like, right down to his cheesy moustache and fake Rolex).

Worst Place to Drive a Temperamental Vehicle and Risk Breaking Down: the road along the Alligator River in North Carolina. No shoulder on the road, swamp all around, no cell phone signals, no signs of life anywhere - except possibly alligators.

Best Highway Religious Wisdom: "Nothing provokes Satan like the cross." Sounds to me like the answer would be to get rid of all those crosses.

Worst Local Comfort Food Ever: (tie) Grits (the South) and Scrapple (Pennsylvania/Maryland/mid-Atlantic). If wild animals won't eat the lips and asshole of a pig, people shouldn't either.

Most Colourful Local Experience: The Beacon Drive-In, Spartanburg, South Carolina. One meal's enough for two, and the iced tea is some of the best I've ever had, but the reason to go is to hear the old guy at the front yell 'Caaaaalll it ouuuuuuttt!!!' to the folks over the steam tables in the back.

Worst Beachfront Campground: Delaware Shores State Park. This place had all the charm of a KOA made entirely of pre-stressed concrete and surrounded by construction zones.

Best Reason to Stop Shaving and Start Smoking Again: Volkswagen engines with mysterious and inexplicable quirks.

Many thanks to the people who supported us along the way: Awful Arthur's in Kill Devil Hills, NC (half price raw oysters!), the Milford Diner in Milford, DE (always eat where the locals eat), Bahama Mamas in Ocean City, MD (go crab go), the pregnant waitress at the Waffle House in Virginia Beach, VA (thanks for the phone book), the kind folks at The Bug House in Virginia Beach (and everyone who led us there). Thanks for the parts and letting Craig roll up his sleeves and get out his wrenches in the parking lot.

And finally - the best reason to go on a road trip south in early Spring: missing over a foot of snow that dumped on your lawn while you were away (thanks guys, for feeding the cat and dog and ploughing the driveway for us)!

posted by Maquinna @ 3:04 p.m.