Maquinna's Poop du Jour

Blame it on the Full Moon

If you work as a police officer, social worker, or in a hospital emergency room, you know that the full moon really does bring out the nuttiest of the nuts. Friends and relations I have in these professions, and others, all have interesting tales to tell about encounters with the general public during full moons, from a grandmother who decided to dance naked on her balcony after devouring a tray of hash brownies she accidentally stumbled across in her daughter's freezer, to a tremendously embarrassed man admitted into the E.R. in great pain, and with a foot-long hot dog lodged in his rectum.

It is in this spirit that I note that the world was turned on its lunar head last night when William Shatner received an Emmy award - apparently, for his acting. I was disappointed, but not surprised, to hear that Emmy voters put on their little P.C. family values hats and voted "Everybody Loves Raymond" as best comedy series...in these days of post-Katrina strife and affliction, "Desperate Housewives" is just too edgy and dangerous for your Average Joe to admit loving. For the record, however - Emmy voters, are you listening? - everybody does NOT love Raymond. In fact, some of us are so glad that series has finally decided to hang it up that we're considering throwing a party in our woods, having the cast and company dress as deer, and inviting some confused hunters from Wisconsin to come on by.

But William Shatner? Getting an acting award? How fucked up is that?

I admit it, I've never seen an episode of "Boston Legal". Until I heard the Emmy results on the radio this morning, I had no idea he was being paid to do anything on T.V. except pitch budget travel websites. I'm certain, however, I detected a hint of mirth in that announcer's voice as she noted Shatner's win.

The only reason I can come up with is that the Emmy voters felt some kind of uneasy obligation to recognize the many decades of Shatner's presence in our living rooms, and the many years of suffering he has inflicted upon us, in the hopes that he would cease and desist. Just drift off, Bill. Go marlin fishing somewhere. Rest on your laurels. Really, we don't mind. You've earned it, bub.

Given the fact, however, that Emmy awards seem to universally go to the most banal, unchallenging, wonder bread, lets-not-risk-angering-the-advertisers shows...I have to believe that giving William Shatner an Emmy seemed like a peachy way to make it look like they're really cool and in touch with retro star appeal. And for anyone who might have had a moment's sanity during voting, there was the destiny of that big fat full moon on awards night to push them over the edge.

posted by Maquinna @ 9:26 a.m.