Maquinna's Poop du Jour

Crimes In the Name of Fashion

I don't subscribe to Vogue. I don't read Glamour, or Cosmopolitan, or Elle. I don't even know if those are still 'the' magazines to read, if you're into fashion. Honestly, I don't care.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a wardrobe carved out of Goodwill castoffs. I think stripes and plaids can be mixed if you do it right - and if you have enough chutzpah to pull it off.

I realize that for some people, getting out of the house with a pair of matching socks is an accomplishment. The comments I'm about to make do not apply to them. This is for the people I saw today who actually TRIED to make a fashion statement.

1. To the lady in the line at the coffee stand: when you have a violent sunburn, do not wear white pantyhose. In fact, unless you are a nurse, or in the chorus of Swan Lake, you probably shouldn't ever wear white pantyhose.

2. To the guy in the Saab convertible yakking on the cell phone while changing lanes without signaling: with its current lack of adhesive, that rug on your head is strictly a top-up accessory.

3. To the guy with no sense of personal space in the shampoo aisle of the drugstore: wearing jeans your mother bought you in eighth grade gives us a far too detailed illustration of how you position your genitalia when you dress in the morning. Please find a new pair of jeans that fit you.

Have you been assaulted by someone's sense of fashion today? Let's hear it.

posted by Maquinna @ 3:42 p.m.