Maquinna's Poop du Jour

Raving Whack-Jobs on a Campus Near You

Universities tend to attract more than their fair share of nutjobs. Back in Canada, we had the guy in the trench coat exposing himself in the library stacks (we would point and laugh if so accosted), the ex-prof in an advanced stage of dementia raging if anyone took the books for her 'important research' off of the little desk she referred to as her office (call the home, Betty's gotten out again), and Peter the Troll, an eccentric homeless-by-choice person, reportedly from a wealthy American family, amazingly well-read, who would hide large rolls of bills in the archives section and then take the bus back to the drugstore where he'd sleep, shoeless, in a dumpster.

Every now and then we get a certifiable case here at the university I now work at. This week, it's a guy I'll just call Philip.

Philip calls last week, and I end up picking up the phone. Turns out he's got this FANTASTIC idea that he pitched to our VP of IT, who suggested he run it by us, and he wants to meet with our dean. I take the message - or I try to. Philip is cell-phone-phobic, and doesn't have an office, but he can be reached until 6 pm at the Bean Counter coffee shop two blocks away. He adds that his secretary is a high school girl who is also a waitress there.

My eyebrows rise on my end of the phone. 'I'll be sure to tell him you called,' I say.

I give the message, with all its colour, to my dean. End of story, or so I think.

Today the campus cops show up here, wanting to know who's been in touch with this guy. Apparently he was down in our computer helpdesk area, raving about someone there stealing his 'big idea', and he was now suicidal and was going to blow his head off and take out the network with him. This is what the campus cowboys call a 'section 12' - call the police immediately, stay away, let them escort him off campus and give him STRONG warnings about ever setting foot in the place again.

I hear Philip thinks he has an appointment with our dean next Monday. I'm trying to decide if I should call in sick, or if my curiosity is such that I need to see how this all goes down. Either way, the campus police will be here to greet him if he decides to show up.

posted by Maquinna @ 4:06 p.m.